Kiss
Puke
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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