YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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