I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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