I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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