1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize