HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
