I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
