Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
