it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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