By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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