Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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