some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
