I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
