It's Friday. Sex?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am one with the molecules
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
