I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
