i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I did not marry a roomba.
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