I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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