Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
