Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
