I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
