Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
