is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
