It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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