Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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