Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
