dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
