I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
