wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need water and some morals
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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