I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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