whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
