i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
