wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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