I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
