Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
