I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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