just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
