Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
