everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
