bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
