JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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