I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
