he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
