Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
