Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
