Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
