I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I believe in your delicious
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
