DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
