There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
