grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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