So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
