I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
