Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
