I just saw a hot homeless man
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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