You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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