Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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