Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
