He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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