I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
