I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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