I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
