i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
