Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
