I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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