this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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