this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
