I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
