He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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