Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
