i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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