i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
