I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
