I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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