Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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