I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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