So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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