thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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