Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
